The Joseph Luster Retort

Just Another Pseudo-Handicapped Haley Joel Osment Fan

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Game Instruction Manuals Saved My Life



Some people (read: assholes) would make light of the warnings of epileptic siezures our dear game manuals proclaim. Well, let me tell you. It saved my young life. I was playing Silent Hill and not being scurred because I'm not a pussy when this annoying fuck called me on the phone and was like, "hey boi", and I was all, "fuck!" I saw flashes of light and I couldn't breathe and I started making saliva bubbles, BUT NOT ON PURPOSE!

I grabbed my instruction booklet where it said, receiving phone calls from joey coco while playing silent hill can cause extreme gay and epileptic siezures. So I immediately hung up the phone and my symptoms went bye bye.

one other point about instuction manuals. Where did all the awesome artwork go? Take Guardian Heroes, por ejemplo:



First of all, it made it seems like you were this hot lord of the dance dude who beat up skeletons. That's a game I want to play. But more importantly, they cleverly tricked everyone into thinking this wasn't some big mouth japonees cartoon ching chong game. Good work, fellas.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Someone call the gynocologist: I grew a pussy last night!





People who get scared by video games are huge pussies. They probably sit around all day digging their index finger deep into their nether regions and tasting the sweet nectar all day long. They smell and they are really really really really dumb. GO home cry babies. Your mom is calling you.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

The Myth of the Super

There are people out there who believe that simply adding the word "super" to a given game's name it will make it awesome. These people are idiot jack asses that don't know how to wash their anuses correctly.

What's more is they look like this: